A dark comedy, in three acts…
>August 2008- Chaos erupts at the Democratic Convention after DNC Chair Howard Dean allows the delegates from Florida and Michigan to be seated. Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York is nominated on the twenty-third ballot.
>October 2008 – Ten days before the general election, former President Bill Clinton collapses at his office in Harlem. He is dead within minutes, and a doctor on the scene blames a massive cerebral hemorrhage.
>November 2008- After being down eight points in polling the day before her husband’s death, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton rides the sympathy vote to a narrow victory. Senator John McCain of Arizona, the Republican nominee, concedes the race at 9:38 PM Eastern.
>January 2009 – Immediately after she is sworn in, President Hillary Clinton issues executive orders requiring the BATF and FBI to keep records of all gun sales through licensed dealers. Senator Charles Schumer of New York works with House leadership to introduce sweeping gun control legislation.
>May 2010 – The Crime Control Act of 2010 outlaws private transfers of firearms, bans gun shows, and restricts ownership of handguns. President Clinton orders the BATF to create a computer database of all gun records in the agency’s possession.
>July 2010 – The State of Alabama challenges the Crime Control Act in Federal court. The legislatures of Alaska, Georgia, Tennessee, and Wyoming vote to join the suit. Similar measures are introduced in seven other states, but fail to pass.
>January 2011 – The BATF closes down an illegal gun show in Tullahoma, Tennessee, and makes fifty-six arrests. An angry crowd tries to prevent the agents from leaving with the arrestees, but is forced back by local police acting under direct orders. The Governor of Tennessee lodges a protest with the Department of Justice. The following day, every officer of the local Police Department resigns.
>March 2011 – Agents from the FBI and BATF raid an illegal gun show in Casper, Wyoming. Shots are fired, resulting in the deaths of five citizens and one agent. President Clinton denounces the “culture of death” that “made militants open fire on law enforcement”. Within ten days, fifteen more states have joined Alabama’s lawsuit.
>April 2011 – The New York Times reports that local police seldom cooperate with Federal authorities in enforcing the Crime Control Act. A grand jury in Tennessee refuses to indict the fifty-six citizens arrested there in January.
>May 2011 – President Clinton asks Congress for permission to use the US Army to force compliance with the Crime Control Act. A bill is introduced but never passes committee. The President then issues a secret Executive Order allowing the BATF to “deputize” entire units of the Armed Forces and deploy them in civilian clothes.
>July 5, 2011 – Six agents of the US Government, accompanied by a company of infantry from Fort Benning, raid a gun store in Alabaster, Alabama. The owner of the gun store is killed in the initial assault. An hour later, while inventorying the contents of the store, the government forces come under small-arms fire from local citizens. Nine soldiers are killed before the infantry withdraws. The six BATF agents are left behind.
>July 6 – Federal agents sent to find the six missing agents are politely turned away by the Alabama Highway Patrol. President Clinton orders the Governor of Alabama to produce the missing agents and the “militants” responsible for their capture. The Governor refuses.
>July 18 – Paratroopers from Fort Bragg seal off Montgomery, Alabama. The Governor is arrested and the Legislature dissolved. President Clinton appoints an “interim” military governor, whose first act is to abandon the pending lawsuit and order martial law.
>July20 – The military governor of Alabama dissolves the Alabama National Guard and orders total gun confiscation. President Clinton appoints military “advisors” to the governors of twenty other states. Those governors also abandon the Alabama lawsuit. Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court John Roberts announces that the Court will hear the case, regardless.
>July 22 – While every major city of Alabama is under 24-hour curfew, there is anarchy in the countryside. In the face of desertions in the occupying force, President Clinton declares the state to be “in open rebellion” and orders in more troops.
>July 25 – Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia accidentally drowns in the sink in his office bathroom.
>July 26 – Chief Justice Roberts announces the Court will not hear Alabama’s challenge of the Crime Control Act. The Military Governor of Alabama announces
that all weapons in civilian hands in Alabama have been confiscated. President Clinton declares a state of emergency in five other states and federalizes the National Guard to keep the peace.
>July 29 – Clashes continue between soldiers and armed citizens in Alabama. The Military Governor declares that “militants” trying to “infiltrate” Alabama will be shot on sight. Fires rage out of control in Fort Payne, burning the city to the ground. Hundreds are believed dead.
>August 1 – The Department of Homeland Security announces that “terrorist cells” have been broken up in Georgia, Mississippi, and Tennessee. Over six hundred have been arrested.
>August 3 — The Department of Homeland Security announces four hundred more “terrorists” have been rounded up by government forces. President Clinton declares that Alabama has been “pacified”, but martial law will remain in place “until total peace is assured”.
>August 15 – The Department of Homeland Security announces five hundred more “armed militants” have been arrested in Alabama.
>September 5 – The Governor of Georgia is killed in a helicopter crash.
>September 6 – The new Governor of Georgia urges all law enforcement agencies in the state to offer “full cooperation with United States authorities enforcing the Crime Control Act.”
>September 14 – In South Carolina, the Governor requests all law enforcement agencies in the state to provide “full cooperation with United States authorities enforcing the Crime Control Act.”
>September 18- The Governor of Tennessee issues a statement urging all law enforcement agencies to offer “full cooperation with United States authorities enforcing the Crime Control Act.”
– The Governor of Mississippi urges all law enforcement agencies in the state to cheerfully give their “full cooperation to United States authorities enforcing the Crime Control Act.”
>October 1 — The Department of Homeland Security confirms that 38,947 citizens died in the state of Alabama “as a result of the insurrection”. Thousands more nationwide are missing or are in government custody.
>January 2012 – President Clinton announces that she would prefer to be addressed as President Rodham.
>June 2012 – The former Governor of Alabama, still awaiting trial in government custody, dies of a cerebral hemorrhage.
>November 2012 – President Hillary Rodham is re-elected in a 50-state landslide. She receives 99 percent of the vote in Alabama.
I wrote it. It’s a fantasy. I hope.